Wrestling

Comer Codex LIVE – WWE Elimination Chamber 2018 Coverage

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Welcome, one and all, to a LIVE chapter in the Comer Codex. I’m Sean, you’re not and tonight, I bring you match-by-match results for WWE Elimination Chamber. This WWE Network pay-per-view precursor to Wrestlemania 34’s descent upon the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans boasts tons of potential implications for the Grandest Stage of Them All. In a first for the titular sadistic structure, seven men will clash inside multiple tons of unforgiving steel to determine who will receive a guided tour of downtown Suplex City courtesy of WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar. For the first time ever, WWE Raw Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss and five desperate challengers will enter the Elimination Chamber to decide who will meet, depending on the outcome of their own meeting tonight, either undefeated inaugural women’s Royal Rumble winner Asuka or the beautiful-but-beastly Nia Jax with the title at stake on April 8.

Elsewhere, Woken Matt Hardy continues his psychotic battle of wits with Bray Wyatt. WWE Raw Tag Team Champions The Bar defend their newly reclaimed belts against the surging Titus Worldwide combination of Titus O’Neil and Apollo. Lastly, the eyes of the sports world will turn toward Las Vegas as legendary former UFC Bantamweight Champion “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey signs her official WWE Raw contract.

Keep refreshing throughout the night for ongoing updates. Let’s do this!

 

  • MEN’S ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH – WINNER FACES WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION BROCK LESNAR AT WRESTLEMANIA 34

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns vs. Elias vs. Finn Balor

  • WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP WOMEN’S ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Mickie James vs. Sonya Deville vs. Mandy Rose

  • WINNER CHALLENGES FOR THE WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP AT WRESTLEMANIA 34

Asuka vs. Nia Jax

  • WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

The Bar (c) vs. Titus Worldwide w/ Dana Brooke

  • Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy
  • Ronda Rousey signs her WWE Raw contract

 

Our announce team this evening at the T-Mobile Arena consists of Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Jonathan Coachman, who are ready to kick off the show with a history-making women’s Elimination Chamber.

  • WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP WOMEN’S ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Mickie James vs. Sonya Deville vs. Mandy Rose

Real-life best friends Sasha Banks and Bayley have found themselves drawn into dangerous tensions by their respective ambitions since the Royal Rumble, both obsessed with regaining the WWE Raw Women’s Championship in a rematch with titleholder Alexa Bliss, who appears to have forged an uneasy alliance with six-time WWE Women’s and Diva’s Champion Mickie James. Then again, Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose each have a chance to place an exclamation mark on the arrival of Absolution by being the last lady standing. Meanwhile, either Asuka or Nia Jax awaits the – *ahem* – “lucky” winner.

Alexa Bliss enters first and anxiously makes herself as comfortable as possible inside a pod. Next, the clock strikes Boss Time as women’s Hell in a Cell pioneer Sasha Banks struts into the chamber looking slightly rattled herself with a chance to join Trish Stratus, Melina and third pod occupant Mickie James as Raw’s only four-time women’s titleholders. Hopes of two-thirds of Absolution squaring off tumble down the drain as the stunning Mandy Rose waits in a pod, leaving the vicious Sonya Deville and decorated former NXT and WWE Raw Women’s Champion Bayley to kick off this precedent-setting war of attrition.

Bayley will need to be abusive and elusive if she wants to avoid being stretched and broken by the former MMA fighter. Long staredown gives way to an attempted takedown by Deville she gets a go-behind takedown on the second attempt and a quick pin for one. Bayley briefly takes Deville down, but both pop right back up and circle carefully until Bayley slips in a drop-toehold followed by a bulldog and head-smashes to three of the four turnbuckles before Deville counters out of the grand slam and introduces Bayley herself. Deville downs Bayley with a shot to the body and stalks the hugger as she rolls outside and attempts a slingshot to the cage. Bayley grabs hold on impact and tries to scale the fence, but Deville peels her off. Throws to the cage countered by both women, but Bayley ends up wrestling Deville down to the hard fence outside the ring and gets a two-count back inside the ring and follows with a knee and missed elbow drop.

Deville grabs a headlock, but Bayley counters with a backdrop and pin for two. Bayley goes high-rent as Deville crawls to the outside and comes down with a flying elbow onto Sonya against the fence! Pin inside the ring gets two as Bayley grabs a chinlock and the countdown commences…MANDY ROSE!

Uh-oh. Bayley goes after Rose immediately and shrugs off a double-team attempt by Deville, sending both scrambling to corners. Somersault elbows and shoulders to Rose and Deville before Bayley stacks them in the corner, hits a running elbow but gets countered by Rose on the second attempt as Sonya regroups. Deville absolutely breaks Bayley with a blast takedown on the fence to set up Absolution slamming her repeatedly into the fence before taunting Banks. The heap that was Bayley is rolled back in for a pair of two-count pins. Deville drives in a sliding knee to a seated Bayley and sets her up for a diving middle-rope diving knee into Bayley’s shoulder. Absolution hangs Bayley’s arms in the fence and converts her into a heavy bag for a spell with punches, kicks and knees. Not for long, as the countdown returns…SASHA BANKS!

The Boss goes immediately to town neutralizing Absolution with violent slams into pods, punches and kicks before Deville spikes her into the fence, but Banks hangs her in the fence herself and lands signature running double knees before hitting prone double knees in the ring for a two-count pin. Sonya gets hung in the corner. Banks goes up for the falling knees, shrugs off an attacking Rose with a head-scissors takedown and recovers right into the knees for a two-count on Deville. Banks is rolled up for two by Sonya and hammered with shoulders to the abdomen and a thunderous kick in the corner. She follows Banks out, but Bayley breaks up the attack to double-throw Sonya into the chain wall repeatedly. They chuck Deville back in, but Rose evens the score before getting Sasha in the ring and dropping her with an emphatic clothesline and facebuster. Running knee by Rose misses, Banks counters her into the Bank Statement and GETS THE TAP! ROSE IS GONE!

Countdown Time…MICKIE JAMES! The Wonder Woman-attired Mickie is a house afire with strikes to Bayley and Banks. Kicks galore and a near Mickie-D-T, but she has to settle for a neckbreaker on Bayley before Banks breaks it up. Mickie takes over control again and nips up, but Deville finds her and looks to introduce her to the chain. They trade fence assaults until Mickie definitively wins the exchange with a hurricanrana sending Sonya crashing to the floor. Mickie scales the cage before briefly having to counter Sasha with a superkick after being peeled off. Mickie and Bayley both climb the chain and try to knock one another off, but Bayley ends up crashing down, allowing Bayley to ascend a pod and CRASH DOWN WITH A THESZ PRESS TO DEVILLE FOR THREE! ABSOLUTION IS GONE! BAYLEY-TO-BELLY TO JAMES! MICKIE IS GONE!

Bayley and Banks get a breather to lick their wounds as they wait out the five-minute period. It appears we have a temporary alliance, because in comes The Goddess….wait. Not quite. Alexa tries to seal one door and climb out the other side, ascend the fence and find safety atop the wall. However, Bayley and Banks both climb up to corner her and follow her as she tries to come down…nope. Right back up, as Bayley and Banks circle, climb again and corner her atop a pod. Banks looks to help Bayley up to the top, but goes all Scar-and-Mufasa, booting The Huggable One down!

As the other two come back down, Bayley goes after Banks and Alexa takes the opportunity to assault Bayley and get a two-count of her own as Banks recovers from being slammed face-first into the second buckle. Bayley eventually battles back with shoulders to the gut in the corner and lines up a somersault elbow, but gets cut off by Banks. Bayley turns it around and strings The Boss in the Tree of Woe to land some unforgiving stomps. With Banks tied, Alexa lands a middle-rope superplex from the same post. Sasha recovers, curls up to the top rope and nails a frog splash on Bayley for two as Alexa tries to gather her bearings.

Bayley counters the top-rope double knees, Banks spikes her regardless, but Bayley catches Banks going up top for an encore and lands a Bayley-to-Belly on Banks. However, BLISS IS UP AND ROLLS BAYLEY FOR THREE! BAYLEY IS OUT!

Bliss. Banks. A smirking Alexa goes for an on-target Twisted Bliss, but up come the knees! Banks stacks Bliss against the chain and goes to town with kicks and knees, but the champion evades a running knee. With Banks tied in the chain herself, Alexa slams the neck of The Boss against her knee and climbs a pod. With Sasha staggered on the floor, Bliss nails Twisted Bliss, but Banks counters into the Banks Statement on impact, rolling Alexa back into the ring! Bliss scrambles to her feet with the hold locked in to escape in the corner, but Banks floors The Goddess again and looks up top. Sasha starts her climb, but Bliss spikes her head into the pod, comes down with a scintillating DDT and GETS THE THREE!

WINNER, STILL WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION AND MEETING EITHER ASUKA OR NIA JAX AT WRESTLEMANIA 34 – Alexa Bliss

In the ring, Alexa cuts a tearful promo about proving that dreams can come true…right before informing the crowd that none of them will accomplish any of theirs. She just proved that there is no one better than her, as proved by her defying all the odds stacked against her and walking out with her championship intact.

“There is only one true goddess in WWE,” she concludes. Right you are, Ms. Bliss, but there is also an empress.

Brief backstage promo from Braun declaring that he’s coming to Wrestlemania to make Brock his pet “beastie boy” with THESE HANDS.

 

  • WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

The Bar (c) vs. Titus Worldwide w/ Dana Brooke

Titus Worldwide are 3-0 against The Bar in the last few months, but Sheamus and Cesaro are dominant multi-time champions for damn good reasons. Not the least of which being one of my favorite tag-team entrances of all time. As the European Metric Measuring Sticks make their way to the ring, we get a brief introduction to the German and Spanish announce teams before a reveal of The Bar’s swank “Boondock Saints”-style shirts. No time wasted getting things started after that, as they dispose of O’Neil on the outside and set their sights on Apollo. The donnybrook eventually resolves as The Bar gets tossed outside and Apollo flies from the top rope to the floor! Titus rolls in Cesaro and positions him for Apollo to get two off a splash before the Celtic Warrior saves the titles. Cesaro dumps Apollo outside, Sheamus keeps him down and the champions have room to regroup. Sheamus tags in officially, goes outside and gives Apollo a clubberin’. In comes Cesaro again for a brief double-team mobbing and a jaw-obliterating European uppercut and a chinlock miles from Apollo’s corner. Cesaro grabs a wrist to hold Apollo back from his corner and tags in Sheamus, who lays in a boot to Apollo’s shoulder and drops a knee for two and an arm scissor laced with verbal abuse. Apollo fights up, but Sheamus whips him into The Bar’s corner and tags in Cesaro, who mocks O’Neil’s barking taunt. That’s room for Apollo to fight up, but the Swiss Cyborg grabs a front facelock and nearly makes it back to Sheamus, but Apollo backdrops out. No dice, though, as Sheamus makes the tag anyway and drops clubbering forearms to Apollo’s chest before grabbing an arm scissor.

Again, Apollo rises to this fit and nearly fights out, but Sheamus has the reach advantage, makes the tag and maintains control. Cesaro maintains the chinlock, Apollo rallies once more and counters a Cesaro Irish whip to send him crashing outside, but Cesaro gets in once more to make the tag and allow Sheamus to stop the Titus Worldwide tag with a facelock. Apollo is a mere foot away with Brooke cheering, but Sheamus drops him with a knee and floors Titus. Apollo gets two off a sunset flip and evades a Sheamus shoulder charge in the corner to tag in Titus! O’Neil goes nuts on both men and manhandles Cesaro into a corner. HUGE splash! Boot to Sheamus and cover on Cesaro…TWO! Cesaro hits an elbow as Titus charged, but O’Neil catches him for a slam. Cesaro counters out, leapfrogs O’Neil and tags Sheamus. Celtic Warrior up top, but countered into CRASH OF THE TITUS…TWO! Apollo with a spectacular running plancha to take out The Bar on the floor. Crossbody from the top to Cesaro for two. Titus driven into the post outside by Cesaro, but Apollo doesn’t see the ensuing tag as he goes for a powerbomb. Sheamus and Cesaro land the White Noise-European uppercut combo…BALLGAME!

WINNER, AND STILL WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS – THE BAR

After a promo for the HBO Sports documentary “Andre the Giant”, we get a recap of the animosity building off Nia Jax and Asuka’s encounters the past few weeks. You would never know it from listening to WWE commentary, but these two had one hell of a feud in NXT far before this as well. Nia makes a statement by shattering one of Asuka’s signature masks with her foot before striding to the Gorilla position. Meanwhile, Asuka is currently 246-0 over the 873 days since arriving in 2015 and easily on pace for a Hall of Fame-worthy career. Of course, since continuity is too big a word for most WWE writers, Nia claims Asuka “can’t” beat her.

She has, of course. Several times. But…shhhhh. We don’t talk about that.

  • WINNER CHALLENGES FOR THE WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP AT WRESTLEMANIA 34

Asuka vs. Nia Jax

We meet a few more international announce teams as Nia Jax marches to the ring, but woe betide anyone who dares talk over the Empress of Tomorrow’s arrival.

Oh, by the way…

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Art provided by the phenomenal Benjamin J. Colon and retweeted earlier today by Asuka herself.

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After a dazzling opening sequence of counters including a near spinning armbar, Nia’s power overcomes Asuka as Alexa watches backstage while the titan of the women’s division surfboards and curb-stomps the Empress. As Asuka struggles up, Nia gets all of a corner avalanche and subsequent elbow drop for two. Asuka gets a kneebar locked in tightly, but Nia drags her up and pounds her into the turnbuckle before tying Asuka up in a torture rack. Asuka gets free and sinks in a guillotine choke with leg scissors, but Nia lifts her out into a near-jackhammer vertical suplex.

Asuka makes space with a jawbreaker and rallies with kicks a kneeling Jax, but Nia catches the Empress on a run with a Samoan drop. Leg drop misses and Asuka hits a purdy Shining Wizard for two. Asuka comes back with a flurry punctuated with two roundhouses kicks upside the head for another two-count. Fighting spirit courses through Asuka as she climbs up top, but Nia stuns her and ascends for a near avalanche Samoan drop that Asuka counters out of barely, also into a near-miss rump-shaker drop from the middle rope. Scary moment as Nia rushes for a somersault splash onto a downed Asuka, but comes down on Asuka’s legs. Asuka surprises Jax with a flying armbar, but Nia lifts and buckle-bombs her into oblivion. After declaring she’s going to Wrestlemania, Jax is stunned mid-powerbomb as Asuka stacks up a victory roll for three!

WINNER, AND CHALLENGING WWE RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION ALEXA BLISS AT WRESTLEMANIA 34 – ASUKA 

Asuka is either selling like we haven’t yet seen in WWE or legitimately shaken as she celebrates before Jax jumps her and launches her outside. The Empress tries fighting back, but after being flung hard into the post, eats a spear THROUGH THE BARRICADE! JEBUS!

We get a Roman Reigns promo, which I will not recap in great length. He mocks Paul Heyman for being unable to physically do what he does in the ring and insists he’s going to Wrestlemania to take the championship. Blah.

 

  • Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy

Recap package tells the tale of Bray Wyatt finally breaking Matt Hardy and giving us the man we all wanted since he returned. It isn’t exactly the Broken One we know and love quite yet, but let’s see if this chapter in the Great War between the “Eater of Terrestrial Entities” and the monarch of House Hardy’s broken brilliance finally lives up to its potential.

Screen goes wonky for Bray’s entrance as we see him in the ring with…Matt Hardy’s empty jacket. From somewhere off-camera, Matt sings the swamp wizard a weird little lullaby as Bray has a ringside conniption. Hardy flies down off the top rope with an ax handle, rolls in Bray and we’re underway. Matt takes decisive control after a few reversal exchanges with a Russian leg sweep and stiff-as-all-fuck punches in the corner. Bray reverses a whip, misses a splash, performs his upside-down taunt and Matt just applauds. Wyatt charges, counters out of a Twist of Fate, eats a faceplant and escapes at two. Matt ends up on the wrong side of an Irish-whip exchange thanks to Bray’s impact cross-body. Bray mauls Hardy around the ring, but Hardy fights out of the corner. Wyatt takes over again with a DDT for two and slows things down with a chinlock as Matt still nearly seems to be giggling.

Matt fights up to his feet, but Bray puts him down with a standing headbutt to a running Matt Hardy’s sternum. Matt and Bray tussle on the apron, but Hardy gobbles up yet another DDT right on the edge, allowing Wyatt to roll back into the ring. Crowd is chanting something that sounds like “We want meatballs” at Bray. OK, Vegas.

Back outside, Matt counters out of an attempted uranage onto the steps, but succumbs to a nasty lariat before Wyatt rolls him back inside for a two-count pin attempt. Hardy is laughing again as Bray decks him and chokes against the ropes. Matt is on his feet in the corner and catches a charging Bray with double feet in the chops and a tornado DDT, but he can’t recover in time to fully capitalize. Bray eats head-first turnbuckle slams and a side-effect for two before Matt heads up for an elbow smash to the neck. Twist of Fate countered into a nasty uranage and sadistic senton for two. Bray looks gobsmacked and starts going to town with donkey punches as a “Rusev Day” chant rains down. Just…keep getting yourself over, fans.

Bray up to the second rope for a senton, but Matt rolls into the corner and spares his ribs. Twist of Fate try is countered into an avalanche corner splash and Sister Abigail setup. Matt slips, but eats a boot. However, it doesn’t knock him stupid enough to not finally hit a TWIST OF FATE FOR THREE!

WINNER – MATT HARDY

We get a combination AJ Styles promo and package for next month’s Smackdown-branded WWE Fastlane, followed by one last build-up break for “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey’s arrival, including watching her awkwardly shitting on Asuka’s career-defining moment at the Royal Rumble. WWE conveniently edits the footage to avoid showcasing how she couldn’t keep from clumsily combining grinning sweetly and switching immediately to her MMA-staredown sneer while on camera. Lots of fawning over her legitimate accomplishments without pointing out that many a “real” athlete has come into WWE never achieved anything of merit.

 

  • Ronda Rousey signs her WWE Raw contract

Raw General Manager Triple H is joined by WWE COO Triple H and aficionado of masturbatory back-slapping Stephanine McMahon for “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey’s official welcome to professional wrestling’s most storied stage. Trips and Stephie run down the Wikipedia laundry list of her accolades to an impatient swell of “What?” chants. Out comes Ronda to “Bad Reputation”, cheesin’ grin and all. Jebus, even Stephanie dwarfs her height.

The crowd lets Steph know she can shut up anytime she pleases, and Shrieky Baby hands it over to Ronda, who fumbles over her words to sudden, surprising boos at her rambling quasi-promo before a “Ronda Rousey!” chant breaks out. Ronda is legitimately overcome at what she calls living a dream and honoring her hero, the late “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, with a commitment to doing his name proud and a desire to earn the fans’ respect in the ring.

Triple H asks her to be certain about her not wanting any special treatment or perks written into her contract, except an invitation to compete at Wrestlemania. Not in a championship match, he specifies, but a match nonetheless. She confirms her insistence, signatures are exchanged but Ronda asks Kurt if he has something to say. Kurt warns her that Triple H and Stephanie have signed her only to get revenge for her humiliating them at Wrestlemania 31.

“What was it you said earlier? ‘Three years in the making and now we own the bi–?” Kurt says before Triple H cuts him off and tries to usher Angle out, citing the GM’s potential delusion after a bout with the flu. Stephanie tells Rousey that she not only embarrassed them in Santa Clara but impressed the duo. Before Ronda can finalize anything, Angle gets a live mic and outs that Steph called Ronda a “has-been” and theorized that even she could take the ex-UFC trailblazer. Rousey backs her down before Triple breaks the women up, but Ronda’s seething gaze even manages to spook The Game. After herding Steph out of the ring and trying to confront Ronda himself, Rousey proceeds to spike Triple H right through the table with a judo throw! Stephanie then signs her death warrant by charging back into the ring, checking on her husband and paint-brushing Ronda, who makes the Billion-Dollar Nimrod pee herself a little with an Undertaker-like stare and signs her contract on Hunter’s fallen corpse.

Huh. Maybe she’s a Batista fan, too.

 

  • MEN’S ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH – WINNER FACES WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION BROCK LESNAR AT WRESTLEMANIA 34

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns vs. Elias vs. Finn Balor

Here we go. Let’s decide The Beast Incarnate’s next prey. The Miz no longer leaves any doubt as to his Hall of Fame credentials, thanks to his run restoring prestige to the WWE Intercontinental Championship. Seth Rollins continues to pursue a third world championship after having two stolen from him – one by heartbreaking knee injury and the other by Dean Ambrose. Roman Reigns has fallen short of a fourth championship again and again since losing his last one to Rollins in 2016. Speaking of horrendously timed injuries, Finn Balor wants to reclaim the WWE Universal Championship he never lost. John Cena craves a record-setting seventeenth world championship. Braun Strowman has haunted Lesnar since decimating the nearly year-reigning Universal Champion at SummerSlam last year. Then there’s Elias, a main-roster rookie with a rocket strapped to his back and a win over Cena.

Elias is already in the ring with just one question preceded by a twangy little guitar lick: who wants to walk with him? It’s strange for him being inside the Chamber, he says, but we’re in Vegas and he’s sure the audience is used to seeing someone behind bars. It’s his last stop before his “performance of a lifetime” facing Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania and making damn sure the world knows that “WWE stands for ‘Walk With Elias!'” Clearly, the crowd knows it, too. First, before he “watches these animals tear each other apart,” he has a song to dedicate to himself…

Which he really shouldn’t have ended with that bit about not being scared of even a monster among men. Braun is out next and finds Elias having already scurried into his hidey-hole. No stranger to the Chamber with three wins out of seven matches (second to only Triple H’s four victories), the lime-green Fruity Pebble rolls in next to the adulation of the Sin City Cenation and a big deal made about his path to Wrestlemania being uncertain if he doesn’t win tonight. Roman Reigns finds a big-ass cage in the middle of his yard as he strides toward his very first date with the Elimination Chamber. The rest is academic. Head held high, The Miz fearlessly returns for his third-ever venture into this mammoth cage. Seth-freakin’-Rollins makes the penultimate walk after lasting an hour and five minutes in a classic Gauntlet Match on the go-home edition of “Monday Night Raw” this past week. Surprisingly, we get no demon entrance for Finn Balor as the lord of Balor Club confidently rounds out the field. It’s a triple-threat battle for five minutes, followed by another man entering every five after. Miz, Rollins and Balor circle tentatively before Miz proposes an alliance with Rollins against Finn, which is declined. Miz then suggests that he and Balor go guns-blazing at Rollins, even tossing up the Too Sweet. Rollins chats up Balor and comes up with a winning proposal, resulting in both men going to town…right before Rollins rolls up Finn for two after sending Miz outside. The respectful rivals renew their SummerSlam 2015 rivalry for the first-ever Universal Championship with a few slick technical exchanges while Miz takes a powder. Balor connects with a solid dropkick, but Miz comes back in with a sunset flip countered out into Balor’s basement dropkick. Miz eats restaurant quality chops, as does Rollins. Miz misses a sliding clothesline and Balor gets two off a soccer kick to Rollins. Seth lands a knee to the gut and gets a two-count of his own and goes for a vertical suplex. The three exchange fast-and-furious rollups for two before Rollins hits the brakes on Balor with a backbreaker. Springboard knee and roll-through suplex/Falcon Arrow combination gets two from Miz. Low superkick sets up a near-miss curbstomp avoided by Miz, who attempts a Skull-Crushing Finale. Rollins gets a pair of two-counts after escaping and landing a double blockbuster right before the timer…

CENA! Big-Match John and Rollins have a hefty history between them already, from Rollins busting Cena’s nose and taking his U.S. Championship to Cena getting the duke over Rollins on Monday. We get some protracted jawing and shoves before Cena starts off with his shoulder-tackle sequence. Rollins escapes a Protoplex and goes for the Revolution Knee, but Cena his the Protoplex. Rollins attempts a comeback, but both he and Miz eat Protoplexes and a double Five-Knuckle Shuffle for two. Miz goes for the Skull-Crushing Finale on Finn, but Balor slips out and hits a Slingblade. Before he can land the corner dropkick, Seth puts him down with a stunning superkick followed by corner elbows all around until Cena catches him and stacks him with Balor into a double-AA attempt. Balor and Rollins slip out and neutralize Cena, but Miz nearly catches Rollins with a click pin of his own. Cena recovers and dumps Balor outside, following to continue the beatdown, but Finn turns the table with stomps. Cena fires back with a right-hand soup bone and crotches Balor while Miz hits the sliding clothesline on Rollins, who catches Miz climbing and crotches him. All four men up…STEREO SUPERPLEXES! Timer ticks down…

ROMAN! Reigns is the freshest man and starts dropping fools with uppercuts until it comes down to him and Rollins. Miz intervenes and drops Rollins with a DDT while Reigns is downed after an exchange with Rollins and gets a two-count. Miz is taking his time showboating over the battered foursome and doles out a round of “It Kicks” until settling on Roman for the big barrage. Roman fires up and counters the last one with successive clotheslines before Balor takes him down from behind, throws out Rollins and eats a flying clothesline from Reigns for a two-count. Clubberin’ clotheslines to Balor in the corner from Roman, but Balor counters a charging big boot into a two-count, which the Big Dog turns into a powerbomb for two. Samoan drop to Cena…two-count. Miz takes a sit-out powerbomb…two-count. Reigns loads up for a Superman punch just as the counter ticks away…

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUN!

Roman has never beaten Strowman. Will tonight be the night?

Yeah, maybe not. Strowman one-shots everyone before Cena jumps on his back and Rollins jumps in for a double-suplex attempt. Well….I guess it sort of worked. Braun suplexes both before weaponizing Balor’s body to assault Rollins.

Miz decides to simply climb, but Braun follows him King Kong-style and plasters Miz’s face repeatedly into the plexiglass to set him up for being launched into the other five men below. Strowman descends to survey his handiwork before pausing to listen to some jawing from Elias. That doesn’t last long as he gives The Drifter an exhibition of exactly what awaits him in less than five minutes – specifically, an all-you-can-eat spread of forearm strikes. Strowman picks up Rollins and flings him over the top to the steel floor and notches the first elimination by flattening Miz with a powerslam, right before the timer expires…

ELIAS! The songster has no intention of leaving his pod, and Braun turns around to a four-on-one gang attack that brings him to his knees. Roman calls for a gargantuan Shield Bomb! BOOOOOOOOOM. ALL FOUR MEN COVER! NO! TWO!

Cena with an AA…TWO-COUNT! SPEAR! TWO! CURB-STOMP! COUP DE GRACE! However, they both were to the outside. Cena hits an AA on Rollins, but then eats a kick from Rollins. Balor gets all of a Slingblade. Elias tries one pin after another, but can’t get more than two. Elias punishes all and sundry with strikes and heads up to the top rope to drop an elbow on Rollins for two. Electric-chair drop is countered by Rollins into a Reigns Samoan drop attempt, but Elias counters it into an electric-chair powerbomb for two. Strowman is back in and charging at Elias in the corner, but The Drifter ducks out of the way. Elias tries for the electric-chair powerbomb on Strowman and nearly gets him up, but Braun straddle-crushes him and sends Elias packing with a powerslam.

Braun decides Roman’s night is the next to end and raises him for a powerslam, but Rollins drills him with a flying knee. Cena tries to fly from the top, but Strowman catches, slams and pins him in short order.

Strowman. Rollins. Balor. Reigns. “Who wants these hands?!” He floors Rollins and Reigns. Balor fights gamely, catching Strowman with a pendulum kick from the apron. Braun catches Balor going up top and nearly gets a powerslam, but Balor capitalizes with a gun-packet dropkick and Coup De Grace to the back for two before turning to Rollins. They exchange enziguris and overhead kicks before Balor hits the 1916 for two. Reigns comes in and gets a Slingblade for his trouble. Corner dropkick. COUP DE GRACE! Braun is up, though, and powerslams Balor to bring the curtain down on his Wrestlemania main event hopes.

Reigns. Strowman. Rollins. The alliance looks apparent as the Shield brothers circle and then mob the monster. Strowman rolls out, but can’t escape the reunited Hounds of Justice. Repeatedly, they crash The Monster Among Men into the cage until Rollins takes down Reigns with a flying knee, superkick and buckle-bomb! Reigns fires back with a Superman punch out of pure instinct, but both men are down as Strowman awakens in a bad, bad mood. Seth climbs the chain to escape a powerslam attempt on the floor, kicking Braun away all the while. Reigns catches a climbing Strowman with a catastrophic Samoan drop as Rollins savors safety atop the pod. Looks to the Wrestlemania sign…19-STAR FROG SPLASH TO REIGNS FOR TWO! Strowman is on a knee. Reigns and Rollins are up, but Braun fights out of an attempted Shield Bomb and sends out Reigns with a dropkick! Rollins wears down Braun with kicks and lines up a curbstomp, but Strowman powers up, powerslams and pins The Architect.

Strowman. Reigns. Another chapter. Reigns paces on the Chamber floor. Strowman takes down his straps and invites Roman to dance. The two Goliaths stare each other down. Braun shrugs off Roman’s uppercuts and choke-shoves him over the top rope. On the floor, Strowman goes for a powerslam, but Roman escapes and drapes him over the top neck-first. Roman gets a running start for a plancha over the top and follows by LAUNCHING STROWMAN THROUGH A POD! That’s followed by a Superman punch, which sends Braun to a knee. Roman coils for the spear, countered into a near-powerslam. Escape into a Superman punch, a spear AND ROMAN REIGNS’ CONFIRMED TICKET TO WRESTLEMANIA!

WINNER, AND CHALLENGING BROCK LESNAR FOR THE WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP AT WRESTLEMANIA 34 – ROMAN REIGNS

Well, congratulations are in order for WWE. You have an impossibly hot babyface with unique, undeniable appeal. He got himself over, and fans authentically embraced him of their own accord. Can’t have that.

Braun, to nobody’s surprise, is not finished with Roman. Since he evidently had a pair of powerslams left in his pocket, he gives them both to Reigns on the house before launching him right through a pod wall. We close the show with Roman looking ready for nappy-time in a crumbled pile.

That’s it for WWE Elimination Chamber. Thank you for joining me this evening. To leave me your love, hate or respectful disagreements, follow me on Twitter @ComerCodex. I’ll see you all next month for WWE Fastlane. Until then, I’m Sean. You’re not. Never dull your colors for someone else’s canvas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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